"D, you are going to change the world one day."
My mother said to me when I was young, she had both hands on my shoulders.
I listened. Then she handed me a hand written note "please sell my son booze",
or something like that and sent me on my way to the local store to get her daily wine.
People question me about my mental health.
Am I really happy?
I mean how could I "teach" this to men if I wasn't.
How could I lead men to "freedom" if I wasn't free myself.
All I know is pain. My mind is very dark most days. It always has been.
I am the happiest and most in control I ever have been. Not perfect.
But where I came from, who I was. It is a God damn miracle I am alive or even want to help people. Let alone fix my own shit.
All the bullshit going on these days. Lock-downs, crazy restrictions and most importantly the regulations around earning a living. Making money.
There is a reason I am so vocal about it, so passionate about it. Most people just repeat generic talking points they see on TV or the same garbage people around them repeatedly say.
Strangely enough, the same way they live most of their life.
I won't bore you the countless places I have teached and shaped minds, from school, gyms, prisons, conferences etc. I won't try and prove to you facts about what I have done, learned and accomplished in the mental/physical health field.
The thousands of lives I have impacted in such a positive way it makes it almost undeniable I know what I am talking about, more then likely a lot more then you.
I am not here to prove that, nor I am interested. You can say and do what you like, hence while I am fighting for freedom at the moment. More importantly I KNOW the reality of what people are going through right now.
If you have the luxury to plead your case in the court of the comment section, I tell ya from experience. It is not that bad.
Like I said, most days my mind is incredibly dark. Most people in my game, especially the ones who are good at it. They are the same.
I know what is like to live, hungry, scared, helpless and looking at a long stretch of days and months to come of it. I am not talking about prison or a job you hate. I am not even talking about waiting for China virus to go away.
I am talking about being a kid. In a home. That is the furthest thing from a home.
That was my life, for a long time. It is not something I really talked about in detail, even to this day.
I remember the times I would be going through the cupboards looking for something to eat. Not because I grew up in a third world country, but because living with a single parent who is an abusive alcoholic you find yourself making decisions a kid shouldn't have to make.
Do I wake up mum and ask for food? Or do I not risk getting yelled at or beaten with some random object because she hasn't sobered up yet?
Most of meals for quite some time consisted of calling the pizza shop across the road. The guy even know my voice when I called.
I knew what is was like to get dragged into the police station and lectured about the "drug problem". Not because I was on drugs. I was 12. But my mother was like me, good at talking and working in the ER at Frankston hospital (blows my mind still), I guess the officers she used to complain to about her outlaw son at home, they really couldn't tell she was drunk most of the time and experiencing an alcohol induced psychosis.
I remember looking at the Sergeant or Constable, thinking wow "you really have no idea about the reality at my home do you?". Not that it mattered, I just would shut off from the world further and further. Until I was on the street. Boosting cars, doing drugs - the irony. The person that said they wanted to protect me from all these things was the person that drove me to it.
By that stage, the police couldn't catch me or stop me. I had adopted my mothers ability to be able to put on a poker face, to pretend everything was fine, I had no fear and/or I have no concern about consequences.
It was not even ten years later I was behind bars. I'd never speak to my mother again until her death. And whether it was the booze or just the sheer pain of looking at her truth. She never changed. At 18 I was still fighting her battles, literally. I nearly added a murder charge to my wrap sheet, courtesy of her new partner.
If it was so dark, why didn't I kill myself? Seems to be a common thing these days. In fact the biggest killer in middle aged men. At least where I am from.
I would of, I am action taker. I do what needs to be done and if checking out was the only way to take care of the pain that I live with. It'd be done. I came close.
But some friends beat me to it. One walked in front of a train, one ate a bullet, the list goes on. But it only took two funerals for me to realise I could never do it. Even as much as I did like hurting people back in those days. I wouldn't leave the pain they left behind for me, I wouldn't put that on my worst enemy.
Booze worked, so did violence. Although even in the boxing ring though. I knew I was just avoiding the truth. I had to find things that made me feel good. That didn't destroy me, because just like my mother and my friends, it was only a matter of time.
There is an urban legend that I can't die or I am a robot. Maybe.
Regardless, while I am here. It might as well have some good moments. As my Grandpa said to me before he died, life is full of good and bad memories, it is simply up to you to fill it was as many good ones as you can. He died last year. Not because of China Virus. He was old.
People seem to be ignorant of the fact, people die, all the time. This is not a new thing. And wearing a mask, not going to work and shooting yourself up with experimental drugs. Believe it or not. Probably not going to make you live longer.
In fact much the opposite.
Last time I did a lock down. It was in prison. It was generally a punishment or so they could let guys in protection ie sex predators roam safely around the grounds.
Might just be a strange coincidence it is much the same with these ones.
People just trying to do time (life) are punished, while the criminal politicians, many of them peadophiles, get to roam freely. These just are my feelings. You can find out more about that here.
Regardless of you views and beliefs about what is going on right now.
There is one thing that is undistupatable. As the economy gets worse, as making money becomes harder and as life becomes more stressful. Families, dads, men and most importantly kids. They suffer. And I know for a fact there are kids out there right now. Because of this government enforced bullshit. Those kids lives right now, it must make my past look like disney world.
I've worked out how to deal with mine, the bright shoes, a life of service, God, riding my bike and Steven the cat.
I will be the voice for those can't speak, I will be the light for those kids that have lost all hope. Life wasn't even bad when the police would take me to the station as a kid. It was just a lie my mother told so well. It must have been real.
Whether I was doing drugs or not. Whether I was bad kid or not.
The damage was already done. (for the record I wasn't)
But I became one. I have consumed more drugs and alcohol by 20 then most men would do in their whole life, because I only focused on pain.
And problems with no productive solutions. Or any.
What people focus on, they become.
What we say we don't want, we get.
That's how I pulled myself out of that life,
and I think it's time the whole world pulled their head of there ass,
stop thinking, talking focusing on all the things we don't want.
And simply start doing and being who we want.
Because putting life on hold isn't living.
Avoiding pain, truth and the hard road.
Again, just takes away life.
Despite how hard it is.
We got ourselves here. We get ourselves out.