9/9/2017 0 Comments
My biggest addiction..
Self awareness, mindfulness, meditation, self regulation. What ever you want to call any of these practices , they have taught me alot about myself. Particularly in the way my mind works - in this post we'll touch on noticing your own addictions, vices, demons . What ever word you prefer to use.
Addictive personality or maybe even one side of my family seeming to all be addicts of one thing of another, whether addiction is a disease , genetics or a choice - is not something i'm going to go into either. What I can tell you though my biggest addiction has not been drugs, or gambling or booze. It's dangerous behavior - going fast, motorbikes, cars. Risky decisions, shooting first asking questions later, doing what others tend not to. Taking chances, living on the edge. You get the idea I could describe this in one way or another but when I feel the risk, the danger, particularly when someone suggests I shouldn't do something. I usually go for it.
Why am I telling you this, self regulation. Losing jobs, relationships, ending up in hospital and so on. Once I realized I like to self sabotage, I like to like on the edge. I controlled my circumstances a little more. I stopped buying fast cars, I didn't goto night clubs, I stopped entering fighting tournaments with barely enough preparation ( wait I actually did that a few weeks ago) - anyway.
The point is, we all have vices, demons, addictions - are you aware of yours ? And if so what steps have you taken to distance yourself from these things taking control. Its Saturday night and im writing a blog with my cat sitting on my lap. I'm quite happy with that. Waking up , not knowing what happened or where I was , just to feel 'alive' or push things to limit - fun? not possibly. Dangerous , damaging and unnecessary to my goals , life and relationships absolutely.
Why am I like this? my young years were all filled with chaos (you'll find all your behavior patterns stem from childhood) so to compensate my mind find ways to emulate that release of adrenaline - which I can mainly do thru intense training now.
If you have a dangerous relationship with something or addiction , understand what it is, and why. Then take the steps to create a healthier one with something else. To fill that void, other wise when the opportunity arises - eg wine tasting with friends when you are in fact an alcoholic. If you haven't developed to will power to say no, or found something else you'd rather do eg maybe train with some friends or go for coffee. You'll find yourself fulfilling the cycle of a behavior pattern. Which left unregulated usually doesn't end well.
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